| Two boys in a first grade classroom were arguing | | | | A teaching approach has room for punishment in |
| loudly over an item they both wanted to use at the | | | | some cases, but the focus is on helping kids learn the |
| same time. | | | | skills they need to behave appropriately. |
| Their teacher approached them in a friendly way and | | | | If we view inappropriate behavior as a learning |
| said, "Boys, it sounds like you two are having a | | | | opportunity for the child, new options open up. |
| problem. Let's talk it out." | | | | HERE ARE TEN "TEACHING APPROACHES" TO |
| Then she sat, folded her hands in her lap, and silently | | | | BEHAVIOR MISTAKES: |
| waited. | | | | 1. Redirect the child toward a more appropriate activity. |
| "I just want to have a turn for two more minutes. Then | | | | 2. Inform the child that what they're doing "isn't a good |
| you can have a turn," one of the boys said. | | | | idea" or "isn't safe." |
| "Okay!" the other replied with a smile. | | | | 3. Give a friendly reminder about the rule the child |
| "Great job!" the teacher beamed. "See? You can talk it | | | | needs to be following. |
| out!" | | | | 4. Guide the child through the steps of apologizing. |
| A TEACHING APPROACH CAN PRODUCE | | | | 5. Ask the child to consider how others feel when she |
| AMAZING RESULTS WHEN KIDS BEHAVE | | | | engages in the inappropriate behavior. |
| INAPPROPRIATELY. | | | | 6. Help the child make amends to anyone negatively |
| If we as parents approach unwanted behavior with | | | | affected by the inappropriate behavior. Ask, "What |
| the idea that our job is to be the judge/jury/jailer, our | | | | can we do to help (name of person) feel better now?" |
| first impulse may be to punish. | | | | 7. In the case of a conflict, prompt the children to "talk it |
| But punishment doesn't teach kids what they SHOULD | | | | out," providing assistance as needed. |
| be doing. It doesn't expand kids' problem-solving skills, | | | | 8. Give a new rule, if the situation wasn't covered by |
| teach them how to repair social mistakes, or improve | | | | the rules the child has already been taught. |
| their social perception. | | | | 9. Invite the child to think of a better to way to ask for |
| Fortunately, punishment isn't the only available tool. | | | | what they want or need in the situation. |
| WE CAN CHOOSE TO VIEW THE | | | | 10. Teach the child appropriate words/behaviors to |
| INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR AS A "TEACHABLE | | | | replace the inappropriate ones. |
| MOMENT." | | | | The rules of appropriate social behavior take a long |
| When the teacher in the story above heard the two | | | | time to learn and an even longer time to internalize as |
| boys arguing, she spotted a chance to teach better | | | | habits. Even adults don't do it perfectly! |
| social problem-solving. | | | | When we use our child's behavior mistakes as |
| Inviting the boys to "talk it out" reminded them of their | | | | opportunities to offer guidance, we're giving our child |
| capacity to problem-solve without shouting or arguing. | | | | their best chance to become more kind, responsible |
| They saw that "talking it out" could work, and they | | | | and socially competent. |
| were more likely to "talk it out" next time. | | | | |